Drill Time

Japanese schools have many kinds of emergency drills in place in order to safeguard the future of their precious children. After all the ever dwindling child population of Japan has the burden of supporting the massive elderly population who are growing older and more demanding by the day.

I experienced an earthquake drill at the Love School. When the alarm sounds kids don’t hide under their desks like in America, nor do they line up in an orderly fashion like one would expect of the Japanese. No, instead the children and teachers burst out of their rooms screaming bloody murder and flailing about in mock terror. When I asked the principal what should I do during the drill she simply told me, “run!”

At Kim’s junior high there was a fire drill a few months back. The first couple hours of the day were wasted as no student was paying attention to anything save the anticipation for the upcoming drill. When the alarm finally rang the mad dash of students bolt out of the school yelling “fire fire!” while pushing and trampling over the weak, small, and unsuspecting

Outside firefighters are giving safety lectures to the students and faculty. After the speeches the firefighters let the students try out the fire extinguishers and even set up bullseye targets for them to shoot down. Unfortunately with the entire student body and visitors watching the nervous kids forced into participating had terrible aim and missed the targets. If there really is a fire at the junior high I hope nobody scrutinizes the kids too closely or they’ll never put it out.

The last drill is if a crazy criminal with a knife or a kidnapper/molester breaks into the school. Just like the other drills the kids burst out of the rooms screaming for their lives yelling, “help me” “save me” and “I want to live!” At Rural School #1 where I experienced the kidnapper drill some of the children bring panic buttons that emit a horrible shriek. Of course on the day of the drill EVERY freaking student has one. When the policeman acting as the criminal “breaks” into the school the children shriek, panic buttons wail, and a thunderous stampede roars past me down the hall. Like a cannon going off in my ear, yes it was that loud.

Don’t trust strangers damn it.


Especially when they are trying to get you in their car to find the train station like this creepy man. Rule #1: If there is a wafting purple aura of pure evil surrounding a car it’s time to run away.

To combat against intruders teachers get to use a blunt edged double-pronged staff to push away the criminals. The only defense versus a crazy man with a knife for the frail women and elderly men of the elementary schools are these pushy staffs. However, a few enterprising teachers grabbed brooms instead and the wizened vice principal busted out a wooden kendo sword that he brandished menacingly toward the phony kidnapper. The burly policeman acted like the pushy staffs were holding him back, but then he would move and easily throw them off. Hopefully any child predators visiting Rural School #1 will be slow, weak and stupid.

Gotta keep the pushy staffs on hand by the green tea dispenser in case of a break in.

The thing that amazed me the most about the criminal invasion drill is that the students ran outside without changing their shoes. Oh my god wearing indoor shoes in the dirt outside!? It must really be an emergency!