As explained earlier with the "Cicada Sensei" incident some of the lesson plans the schools want me to do have undesired consequences. Soooo I have to give a lesson on body parts and demonstrate the lesson by saying a body part while touching myself there, no problem. I decide to have a Simon Says game for this lesson, sounds good right? Instead the teachers, in their infinite wisdom, want the kids to get into groups and when I call out a body part have the other kids touch them there. Knowing how much these kids like to grab and poke each other's nether regions I try to dissuade them to no avail. I decided against using the approved words: eyes, waist, and chest for obvious reasons, but these kids are resourceful.
The game starts and I say 'leg' the boys start grabbing each other's penises. I say 'back' and they poke each other in the butthole. I say 'shoulders' and they give each other the Vulcan death pinch. Some of the most vicious offenders are the girls. I say 'hand' and one girl takes this other girl's hand and made her slap her face with her own hand. I say 'hair' and this burly mean bitch yanks this small innocent girl's hair (who isn't even in her group) and pulls her to the ground. At least the boys were laughing while they were squeezing each other's nuts, but the girls were seriously pissed off and some of them had murder in their eyes. It frightened me.
Another brutal but benign sounding game is 'fruits basket.' I call it death basket. If the lesson is fast food then each student will have a card like french fries or hamburger or curry and rice. These students will be in a circle sitting in chairs with one student standing in the center. When the student in the center calls out 'hamburger' the kid in the center and all the kids with a hamburger card run around looking for a seat. There is the expected pulling away seats and hiding chairs, but then it goes further.
A lot of the kids don't even try to find a chair they just get up and start beating the holy hell out of each other. Usually the kid that ends up in the center in the one that is lying on the ground, trampled and left for dead. Somehow he/she pick themselves up and the game starts again. Best part is? I get to play too! I teach the kids the game and start off in the center and try like hell to avoid the melee. However when 'zenbu' or 'all' is called everybody gets up and has to find a chair. It's madness. When I'm dragging one kid on each leg, another is on my back, and I'm swatting down dick and ass grabbers left and right I think, "How the hell did I get into this situation?"
Most teachers are smart enough not to participate in death basket, except for one. He is a 6th grade teacher I'll call Mr. U. He is one of those super nice guys that wants desperately to be friends with all his students and consequently has one of the wildest classes I've ever seen. 'Zenbu' was called and he was instantly mobbed. While being gang raped I saw one of the larger boys sucker punch Mr. U in the kidney. The look of agony on his usual joyful face was apparent so I stopped the game and helped him to a chair, I told him who the boy was that punched him but he just laughed it off, though winces of pain.
Lesson learned? Never get too close to the kids especially during games of grab that body part and death basket.
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