Sh*t is fun

Japanese people never hesitate to tell me just how sick they are. One of the most common complaints I get from co-workers is that they are constipated. Hmmmm maybe never eating bread crust or the skin/peel of any fruit while consuming white rice, which has next to no dietary fiber, for practically every meal is to blame?

Me: “How are you?”
Teacher: “Ugh I’m a little constipated.”
Me: "Ummmm… gambate" (good luck)!

I use the foods flashcards for several lessons. Every damn time I show the spaghetti card some students (always boys) will laugh and mock how I say the word. For a long time I thought it was because the Japanesey Engrish ‘supageti’ sounds so different from spaghetti.

A couple months ago a teacher at Big Rice Field unflinchingly tells me she isn’t feeling well because she has bad ‘geri’ or diarrhea. That same day I had a foods lesson involving spaghetti. It finally dawned on me that that the mischievous boys have been hearing spa’geri’ instead of spaghetti. All these months I’ve been pointing to a flashcard of spaghetti slathered in a lumpy brown meat sauce and loudly exclaiming, “spaGERI!” without knowing why it was so hilarious. With this newfound knowledge in mind I cannot look at the spaghetti picture without thinking it looks just like a messy plate of noodles covered in diarrhea. This is especially disgusting because it is supposed to be food. I can no longer use the spaghetti flashcard. It grosses me out too much.

The Japanese word for shit is kuso. It is a very common swear word amongst adults as well as children. Kids mutter kuso when they get an answer wrong and use the word as an insult to others. Additionally boogers and earwax are hanakuso and mimikuso, nose shit and ear shit respectively. A few weeks back I saw two 5th grade boys fighting in the teacher’s room. First they were digging in their noses and flinging hanakuso on each other while shouting “hanakuso BOMBU!” Next they were mining their ears for mimikuso to smear on each other’s arms. I made sure to break up the pair before they decided to escalate the fight to another kuso. I also washed my hands for a good two minutes afterwards.

Japanese love the swirly poop. It looks like a twisty plop of chocolate frozen yogurt. Kids draw swirly poops as funny symbols on their notebooks and I even saw a teacher giving out swirly poop stickers to lucky students.

Strolling though a park in Japan one will see a sign every twenty feet telling dog owners to pick up after their canines by showing a crossed out swirly poop. This curlicue excrement is called ‘fun’ (but pronounced foon.) I have yet to see man or beast produce an authentic 'fun' swirly poop. To accomplish such a feat one would have to poop slowly while walking in a circle and the size and texture would have to be just right. The logistics seem nearly impossible but one can always have fun trying.