Korea \ ^_^ /

South Korea is the forgotten country that most western travelers only journey to after Japan and China. During our six-day spring vacation in Seoul Kim and I didn’t see one tourist younger than us. Seoul reminds me of a gritty Tokyo five years in the past but with a vibrant energy of its own. My original perception of Koreans was that they are very similar to the Japanese. This was of course before our trip. In Korea the food, the people, and the culture are all unique and a refreshing change from living in Japan.

One of the first things I noticed is that Koreans are BIG. A lot of younger men were my height or taller and most women towered over poor Kim who at 5’3” it turns out is on the runty side for being Korean. Maybe it’s all the meat in their diet, but it’s inspirational to see that Korean women aren’t striving to become emaciated walking sticks like their female counterparts in Tokyo.

Koreans aren’t afraid to show their emotions. I was witness to a least half a dozen screaming matches by irate customers and quarreling couples and was rudely shoved several times on the subway. On the flip side many Koreans I met had eager smiles and an easy laugh.

In Japan I get stared at a lot, in Korea not so much. The one who got stared at ALL THE TIME was Kim. Creepy men would leer and do double and triple takes at Kim throughout our trip. Maybe it’s because she is with a white man or she is speaking fluent English or because she is beautiful? Probably all three. In Korea the unabashed oglers did not look away when stared back at but instead fixed their unyielding gazes until I (or Kim) was the one who had to look away.

Living in Japan I’ve gotten used to minimalist portions of food delicately seasoned and prepared, a feast for the eyes and the stomach so they say. Korean cuisine is the opposite. The food is so damn spicy it makes my eyes water just looking at it. Along with a main dish one is always served between 3 and 30 side dishes such as kimchi. This wasteful practice of extra side dishes surprised me at first but by the end of our trip if we didn’t get at least eight side dishes with our meal I was disappointed.


I can always tell I'm in a Japanese tourist area because they are clean, expensive and the Korean staff all speak Japanese. Since I only learned a handful of useful Korean expressions before our trip I ended up conversing with many Korean store employees in Japanese. Kim and I went to a spa where all the foreign customers were Japanese. Hocking extra services, the Korean attendant spoke to me in broken English but out of habit quickly switched to Japanese. For some reason he was shocked to hear me talk back in Japanese.

Attendant: “Oh you speak Japanese?”
Me: “Well you spoke to me in Japanese…”
Attendant: “But you said you are an American.”
Me: “Yes, but I live in Japan.”
Attendant: “Oh your wife is Japanese.”
Me: “No she’s Korean.”
Attendant: “Your wife speaks Korean then."
Me: “Uhhh no she speaks Spanish.”

The confused as hell attendant gave up after that but I let him talk me into a conciliatory foot scrub. Apparently the Korean spas are known for their vigorous scrubbing and roughly sloughing off dead skin. This information would have been great to know BEFORE a wiry old Korean man made me his bitch and took to me like a brillo pad takes to a greasy lasagna pan. My whole body is smooth as silk now… but I don’t know if I’d ever do it again.

During a rainy morning Kim and I visited the nicest and most expensive gift store in Seoul crowded by Japanese bargain shoppers. Two female Japanese tourists surprised by the rain exclaimed:

J-Tourist 1: “Ame ga furu? Waaa ame ame ne”
J-Tourist 2: “Ame? Ame ne. Sugoi ame neeee!
J-Tourist 1: “Ehhh sugoi ame.

After the Japanese headed off to another section of trinkets two Korean employees mocked the Japanese by mimicking their tendency to repeat the same word over and over again.

K-Employee 1: Ame? Ame ne! Sugoi ame ne!
K-Employee 2: Ame ame ame ame ame.

The Korean employees clucked and giggled to themselves until they had to regain composure as more Japanese women strolled by their stall of handcrafted bric-a-brac. I overheard a couple other instances of Koreans aping the Japanese “kawaii” and “sugoi” over and over as well but these aren’t nearly as hilarious to me as the ‘ame’ incident.

Koreans love Starcraft. I remember playing the computer game 10 years ago in high school and then moving on to bigger and better things like Sega Dreamcast. In Korea Starcraft isn’t so much a computer game as it is a national obsession. There are PC Bangs on every block where nerds line up to play Starcraft and Korea’s other super popular game Lineage.

I saw a guy on the subway playing Starcraft as a handheld video game. I thought, “Hey that’s neat!” and took a closer look. Upon closer inspection I noticed the protruding t.v. antenna and his passive fingers on the buttons of his phone that I thought was a video game. Wait a minute… this guy isn’t playing Starcraft he is watching Starcraft on television. What… the… hell?

Not one, not two, but THREE television stations air professional Starcraft tournaments daily. At any time on Korean television there is somebody playing Starcraft. Multiple announcers give the play by play as the serious gamers wildly click around the screen trying to best their opponent. Koreans love Starcraft so much they even named a van after it!*


*Okay, I know this a real car brand in America but I think it’s funny that I saw it in Korea.

Kim and I stayed at the Holiday In while in Korea. Not to be confused with the American motel chain Holiday Inn. What does that extra ‘n’ entitle guests to? A hell of a lot seeing as our room was more of a dank receptacle for our luggage then anything else. This was fine though since we prioritized our spending on lavish meals with way too many side dishes and seeing famous sites in Seoul instead of watching professional gamers playing Starcraft on t.v. or seeing the growing mold creep around the corner of the ceiling.

The largest bill Korea is the 10,000 won. This seemed impressive to me until I realized that this amounts to only 10 USD. Since I paid for the entire trip in cash I ended up with a FAT ass wad of bills bulging out of my pocket. Damn I felt like a rich player for a while flashing my 10,000 wons all over the place. Every time I whipped out my obese billfold stuffed with sweet sweet won the storekeepers would size me up and treat me like a rich Japanese tourist minus the barley hidden enmity.

This is a picture of a traditional Korean farmer performing traditional Korean break dancing.


We went to the Korean War museum; holy crap it’s enormous! It would take about two hours to walk through without stopping to look at anything. There are over a hundred military vehicles littered outside the museum grounds including a B52 bomber. The museum tour starts out with flints and arrowheads and ends with modern and future weapons of mass destruction.

The overly informative museum exhibits elaborate dioramas depicting battlefields throughout Korean history. World War II and the Japanese occupation are strangely absent however. The museum is stuffed with an army of creepy mannequins enduring eternal pain in dioramas and other displays. Koreans really like their creepy mannequins because they were at every historical building we visited in Korea.

After going though the museum I felt like I wanted to go to war! Maybe that’s why half the patrons there were uniformed Korean army soldiers whooping it up at every bloody interactive diorama.

From what I saw and heard Korean English is much better then Japanese Engrish. While the Japanese tend to have strange slogans and spelling mistakes the only weird and wonderful English I saw were unfortunate names of structures such as ‘Ho Suck Building’ and ‘Young Dong Training Center.’


South Korea is a great country, too many motorcycles driving on the sidewalk for my taste, but still a great country. I am glad to be back ‘home’ in Japan where people are more reserved and I don’t have to haggle for prices. Would I go back? Maybe some day when I have an unquenchable appetite for fermented vegetables and spicy grilled beef or I’m invited to a Starcraft II tournament with a one million won grand prize. Until then I’ll content myself with memories and photographs and knowing that I’m taking home the best thing that was ever made in Korea as a forever souvenir. \ ^_^ /